ok the post before undated you from the forth of may to the tenth of may….. and this one will undate you from the 11th of may to the 15th of may……

ok well i had worked the entire weekend before and this would be mothers day where again i had to work and rich had let me know time after time after time that he was straved for some of my attention and things were about to get harder.

He had come over for mother’s day and everything was going fine we were laughing and having fun and had a great time at breakfast with my family, but afterwards we had to go to patty’s house and things once again turned into a fight, which ended in me slapping him and him not talking to me, the fight started with jason, patty’s son, ( and for those who don’t remember patty, she is the foster perent of my niece emily). but soon after about an hour of fighting and rich saying “i want a kiss it would me alot to me” for me  to stop being mad and give him his kiss and for  the rest of the day everything was alright, but when i got off work rich had walked me home an dall he talked about was how i wasn’t giving him enough attention and how he was doing everything for himself. i brushed it off or held it in and when we got to my house i had tried to give him attention he wanted but i just wasn;t able to. and he went home.

monday was even worse……….. everything was good, i did  want ever he said for me to do and gave me all of my attention, but everything fell when i gave my freind a hug. my freind adam had been a good friend for awhile and i gave him a hug that rich said i give no other person, which wasn’t true. he ended up saying give me my kiss so i could get to class. i gave it to him and as he walked away i didn’t heard him say i love you and he got mad yelled at me and i said that back, and adam told him to clam down.. and then adam asked me want was his problem and i couldn’t give him an answer but i already knew that his true nature of jealously had shown its evil head again. the next period i confronted him able the way he had been acting and then got really worried when he started saying that i gave him a hug i give no one else. he was acting stupid and maybe my next move was the worse one possible, instead of fighting, i started to  walk to my class and right by the class room door all i felt was my shoulder start to hurt and i realize then he had done it. he had taken my arm pulled, wrapped, and applied strenght. my shoulder since that day still feel the effects of that day. later that day when i had ask him about it he said that it was his instinct to grab me but at the time and still sometime find myself thinking was it really to grad me or to hurt me. so times i do wonder…..

i forgave him, for a secret promise not even he knows about, a promise between to old best freinds. that i wouldn’t give up on a good man for no reason at all, and i mean it. the only way i would break up with him is it was had to be done if it was good for both of us, weather a break or a for good type of thing.

OK, how about this for frustrating.

my best Friend is pregnant with my brother’s baby, but the thing is i knew her before he did. i love my Friend to death and wouldn’t want anything to happen to her,but she is going out with the one of my brothers that are dangerous and get angry easy. i have been threw everything that my brother could do and it hurts, he is Strong and able to hurt people. he was able to come after me, someone who has done just able everything for him, but he has come after me,lots of times and has hurt me in ways no other person can.

one time he threw me over the stairs railing and still came after me, i had bruises all over me and my shoulder was injured to a full extinct, and it still tends to get sore from time to time when i use it to much, and that was like 7 months ago. and you want to know what started this, i said he couldn’t cook!!! and he went off on me. and it scared me to death, i ended up running out of my house down the street to my Friends house.

but see even that isn’t the only thing he did,he’s done more and not just to me.

he had another girl pregnant before and they had a beautiful baby girl. but when see was about two and a half to three months old she ended up with eight or nine broken ribs and broken legs and was placed in foster care. i hated him, because after about a month to two months of blaming me for it and coming after me in every way possible,he admitted that he did it. after that his ex girlfriend came out and started saying thing about how he abused her and threw her up against the wall.

these are only two examples but you see how dangerous he could be……….. and i am scared for my best friend, i would never let anything ever happen to her or at least i will try.

i have saved her before and have help her to get help with her problems.

she is 16 about to turn 17,she has a good job, shes good in school, but she wasn’t at all like this six or seven months ago.

about six or seven months ago i got a call that my bf had tried to kill herself by popping pills, no one knew how to calm her down, she was scared and afraid, not able to stand light and she had a death fear or ambulances. The people with her didn’t know how to handle her, but i was a little more then a mile away. when i got the call i told the one guy to just keep her in the house and doors locked, get lots of water in her and then once i got off the phone, before i could even get my shoes on, ran out the door and got to the house in 10 minutes. She wasn’t in the house, they didn’t call a ambulance, and she wouldn’t drink the water. I got the phone called the ambulance and when she tried to escape, i pended her to the ground until the ambulance came and then strapped her in the bed. The next day she was okay, like nothing had happened, but she had bruises on her shoulders from were i had to hold her down and her liver was injured from it. Since that day she stopped the drinking, taking pills for fun, and anything else that was bad for her.

and she is doing so good, yeah she’s pregnant, but its better then before and i know that if something bad happen i am going to have to deal with it and pay a price that i can’t pay.

i have a pretty eventful life, everyday there is something new going on, or something new happening, most the time they are normal thing, some end up being really good, not often, but it happens, and some end up being really bad or annoying to me, sometimes more then often.

it the past month i found out a lot about copping with these disruptions of life. One thing is to talk about it, but see ianit much of a talking, the other is to forget about it, but i can’t just forget about it, because then it buries itself deep within me. there is taking in out on myself or others, but i can’t afford to take it out on myself again, not after all the time i spent getting better, and i can’t hurt others without making me feel worse, i just care to much about those around me. so the last option was to write, a dairy want ever i wanted, see the thing is i live with three sisters and a bother, a mom the is very nosey, and have no respect or privacy in my house. so i tried that but you should already know that people would read it and make me so mad that i wouldn’t even be able to handle myself and end up converting to my old ways, time and time again. but i am trying not to be like i was so i am trying a homepage that no one in my house knows about, witch is want this is. and believe me there is a lot of things that i am going to write about because its me and my life.

OK, well want is some type of sign on me that says “come after me”

after all the things i have been threw day after day and how tired my life makes me i expect to be able to go home and not what to rather be lock in a room with a killer and no way out. cause that’s how i feel my house is.

my family makes this evil disease that causes everything and everyone to become dark and sad and moody.

my family are heartless people who only care about themselves and can’t accept anyone for who they are useless its is like the. that’s why i don’t fit into this family of mine.

they are dark always mean don’t care about anyone else but themselves. while i am someone who would do anything for one of her friends and care about everyone weather i know everything about you or if i don’t even know your name, i care able others.

they have the spirit of darkness while i have a spirit of a protector or hope.

they have no respect for anything that isn’t like them and it makes me mad because my mom thinks that i am who i am because of her, i got where i am because of her, but she is so wrong…….

its my grandmother voice i hear to give me hope, Mikey voice to guide me along the dark roads, and my aunt June who taught me to be the way i am.

i am who i am because of them and not because of her cruel treatment of me….

she tries to change everything about me, but i can’t change want god made me to be. i am a fighter and will stick up for others and they are the people i protect other from. my family should never be able to put there hands on other people but she finds a way to destroy everything good…

weather it be a best Friends type of thing…

mother and daughter ………….

sister and sister….

anything she wants to destroy…

if she doesn’t have it and it something she don’t understand

instead of typing to understand it she destroys it.