hey, so at the end of the year i always start to think about things like want meant to be and such…………….. my things has always been cherish your life and not regret it…….. but see i have learn to admit your feelings and not hold then in cause its the worse feeling in the world and dangerous to do…………… also how do you want the outcome will be like seriously its not that hard to message someone or call them or even just say something to them….. sometimes the best things you could do is take a risk of falling and maybe you’ll fly…

well funny thing happened…… i got sun poisoning, yep.

i was so tried of hearing how pale i am and how i needed to tan, so on my day off last Sunday i went out into the sun without sunblock for about four to six hours………….

yea how stupid of me, i am fair skinned like no other person on earth fair skinned

i ended up feeling fine until i woke up the next morning and my stomach was really upset and i was red and i mean bright red…………………. i ended up throwing up and vomiting to the point were i was pussing or foaming inside my stomach…. all through my finals ( yes i stayed for finale) i was vomiting into the trash can witch i placed beside me, at the end of them my nurse called my mom yelling at her for letting me out of the house when i was sick like this but i went…… i walked home ended up getting really dizzy that my next store neighbor saw me gave me a ride how and said that i needed to go to the hospital.. but i DONT like hospitals. so i didn’t go, my work wouldn’t let me call off… so the entire night i had to worried about staying hydrated because of this stupid thing i have were i don’t absorb water right……….but i got threw that, but the next day my skin was stiff and got worse today today i feel like something is ripping threw me and catching me on fire and see if i don’t get better mean night in the hospital for me,………………

i guess that want i get for wanting to be like everyone else…….

he walked away from me without a single goodbye. he didn’t ask me to sign his yearbook, or even say i’ll miss you,just walk away like i never exsisted…………..

for those who don’t know, yesterday was the day that the person i cared for like a brother like my best freind had his last day of school and i know that we aren’t going to be good freinds because of all that has been happening between us for the last six months. all of a sudden he started to slip out of my reach and i had already perpared myself for what i thought was going to be the hardest thing to ever happen. but that wasn’t the case i never would of expected he to not let me sign his yearbook, not say goodbye, not to walk home one last time with me.

what did he do………………

he smile at me before last period and then walked away, wouldn’t walk home with me or say ashley i’ll see you again……………

poeple keep telling me you’ll see him again, but that wasn’t what i was worried about, i have done things like this walk away and then when i see my OLD freinds i say hi and smile and talk for a minute and go on with life, like a freindship there never exsisted. i didn’t want that for us i didn’t want him to forget about me the times we had together, but the way he acted was like nothing was there in the first place. everyone who knows me knows that i care for him. he is like a brother to me, like come on i would do anything for him including go agaisnt my 250 lb brother because he was talking bad on him……………….

and i am only 118………… he was twice my wieght

but when it comes to him there isn’t much i can’t do i would do anything for my family by heart. and he is part of that family…….. but what hurts me the most about what he did was that he didn’t let me say goodbye. didn’t let me say good luck, i’ll miss you, and “remember to smile” didn’t let me try to hug him one last time. but, i guess he wouldn’t of wanted me to……… cause maybe he didn’t care about my goodbye or the fact that i know what would of become of us…………

we were always going to end up saying a quick hi and bye, forgeting the fact that he is my brother my freind. and in a way i think i rather us be good freinds or no freinds then that type of freinds. cause i have alot of those but not many good friends who are there and going to stick beside me threw thick and thin. i just wish i could of changed the way he ended up feeling about me, i know in a way i deserve it, i never would of expected him to hate though. never would of wanted him to hate me…….

but he does.

I cherished the times and memories that we have together

i had a hope that our freindship would last forever

but now there’s nothing I can do

today I’ll say my goodbye to you

and though i will always miss and protect you

i can’t stay beside you in want you do

time will pass, it would lessen the pain

but my feelings for you will stay the same

I know your being watched and protected from up above

and hope that one day you find someone to love

 the sight of you walking away will always remine 

knowing my life from now will never be the same

i will forever miss you and cherish that knew you

but, you’re going on with the rest on you life

and there really much i could try to do

and i know you’re the only reason i survived

knowing that no matter how much time will past

that the memory of who you are will remain

and always the memories of you will last

and as the days grow easier, so shall the pain

i will never forget you and i will always miss you

and i hope that you will remember me in all that you do

that you have a Friend that will always be beside you

and i hope that you miss me and never forget me