the last of the updates you know all the big problems that have happened since the 3rd of may till the 15th and this will update you on the rest……

since that monday when he had hurt my shoulder all i wanted was i good day together and for five days striaght when we were together all we did was fight, fight about everything, what he would joke around about, the way my freinds acted, the way his freinds acted, and so much other things, and on friday in the pouring rain about an hour before my cheerleading try outs, he had started another fight and i had had it, by then i already thought about it because this relationship had from the best to the worse and so very fast, so i told him i needed the time, that i couldn’t be in a relationship with a guy who i couldn’tget along with , and i thought that maybe if we were freinds things would get better. but some things work and some don’t. i feel like maybe this is want we needed, but i miss him alot and he acts lke he does but sometimes i wonder if he really does, well how could someone blame me for still loving him after all the time we had spend together, but part of he had moved on he had kissed another girl, he says by accendent but those words ring threw my head…. it was his instinct. and now things started getting tough on the 19th was the two  year anniversity since my mikey died and on the june 21 he would 18. and rich’s freinds are talking on me and things keep going for good to bad slowly. when i think everything is going to be alright something tends to happen to distory it but i am beginning to realize that i have to take one day at a time, one secound, one minute, one hour at a time… and just maybe, maybe i’ll get threw this life with a little piece of me left.

not all bad things have happened though, i saw a freind that i haven’t seen in three years twice in one weekend, we caught up and then talked to another old freind that i see every once in awhile but never really talk to, it felt good because she was my best freind, the first person i meant when going to middle school, and talked about old time with one of my oldest freinds. and found out alot of things, like that the one other guy beside mike i love back then, the one no one can get me to talk about, john james, no one knows what happen to him and i hope and pray with everything in me that  nothing happened to him because i would never be able to forgive myself and alot of other things. but i hope that one day i will see the person i was back then and find that peace i had when i was with those people and sometimes that is a bad way to be, but i can’t tell the future and i can’t make the world show me were to good or make people tell the truth. all i can do is hope and pray and bring a little bit of happiness to a darkened world.