the last of the updates you know all the big problems that have happened since the 3rd of may till the 15th and this will update you on the rest……

since that monday when he had hurt my shoulder all i wanted was i good day together and for five days striaght when we were together all we did was fight, fight about everything, what he would joke around about, the way my freinds acted, the way his freinds acted, and so much other things, and on friday in the pouring rain about an hour before my cheerleading try outs, he had started another fight and i had had it, by then i already thought about it because this relationship had from the best to the worse and so very fast, so i told him i needed the time, that i couldn’t be in a relationship with a guy who i couldn’tget along with , and i thought that maybe if we were freinds things would get better. but some things work and some don’t. i feel like maybe this is want we needed, but i miss him alot and he acts lke he does but sometimes i wonder if he really does, well how could someone blame me for still loving him after all the time we had spend together, but part of he had moved on he had kissed another girl, he says by accendent but those words ring threw my head…. it was his instinct. and now things started getting tough on the 19th was the two  year anniversity since my mikey died and on the june 21 he would 18. and rich’s freinds are talking on me and things keep going for good to bad slowly. when i think everything is going to be alright something tends to happen to distory it but i am beginning to realize that i have to take one day at a time, one secound, one minute, one hour at a time… and just maybe, maybe i’ll get threw this life with a little piece of me left.

not all bad things have happened though, i saw a freind that i haven’t seen in three years twice in one weekend, we caught up and then talked to another old freind that i see every once in awhile but never really talk to, it felt good because she was my best freind, the first person i meant when going to middle school, and talked about old time with one of my oldest freinds. and found out alot of things, like that the one other guy beside mike i love back then, the one no one can get me to talk about, john james, no one knows what happen to him and i hope and pray with everything in me that  nothing happened to him because i would never be able to forgive myself and alot of other things. but i hope that one day i will see the person i was back then and find that peace i had when i was with those people and sometimes that is a bad way to be, but i can’t tell the future and i can’t make the world show me were to good or make people tell the truth. all i can do is hope and pray and bring a little bit of happiness to a darkened world.

ok the post before undated you from the forth of may to the tenth of may….. and this one will undate you from the 11th of may to the 15th of may……

ok well i had worked the entire weekend before and this would be mothers day where again i had to work and rich had let me know time after time after time that he was straved for some of my attention and things were about to get harder.

He had come over for mother’s day and everything was going fine we were laughing and having fun and had a great time at breakfast with my family, but afterwards we had to go to patty’s house and things once again turned into a fight, which ended in me slapping him and him not talking to me, the fight started with jason, patty’s son, ( and for those who don’t remember patty, she is the foster perent of my niece emily). but soon after about an hour of fighting and rich saying “i want a kiss it would me alot to me” for me  to stop being mad and give him his kiss and for  the rest of the day everything was alright, but when i got off work rich had walked me home an dall he talked about was how i wasn’t giving him enough attention and how he was doing everything for himself. i brushed it off or held it in and when we got to my house i had tried to give him attention he wanted but i just wasn;t able to. and he went home.

monday was even worse……….. everything was good, i did  want ever he said for me to do and gave me all of my attention, but everything fell when i gave my freind a hug. my freind adam had been a good friend for awhile and i gave him a hug that rich said i give no other person, which wasn’t true. he ended up saying give me my kiss so i could get to class. i gave it to him and as he walked away i didn’t heard him say i love you and he got mad yelled at me and i said that back, and adam told him to clam down.. and then adam asked me want was his problem and i couldn’t give him an answer but i already knew that his true nature of jealously had shown its evil head again. the next period i confronted him able the way he had been acting and then got really worried when he started saying that i gave him a hug i give no one else. he was acting stupid and maybe my next move was the worse one possible, instead of fighting, i started to  walk to my class and right by the class room door all i felt was my shoulder start to hurt and i realize then he had done it. he had taken my arm pulled, wrapped, and applied strenght. my shoulder since that day still feel the effects of that day. later that day when i had ask him about it he said that it was his instinct to grab me but at the time and still sometime find myself thinking was it really to grad me or to hurt me. so times i do wonder…..

i forgave him, for a secret promise not even he knows about, a promise between to old best freinds. that i wouldn’t give up on a good man for no reason at all, and i mean it. the only way i would break up with him is it was had to be done if it was good for both of us, weather a break or a for good type of thing.