well,you know already know the story,if you read the last post………….

right now i am writing this from inside school,  couldn’t go to class, just had to write………

i just bumped into this my boyfreind in the hall he made a big deal about everything, trying i guess to close my eye to the fact that he was playing me and trying to be nice but he was totally just being worse….

he tried saying that his bestfreind and mine were lieing to me and that all that they are trying to do is get you away from them, first his best freind doesn’t lie and that was enough for me because why would  his best freind do that, and why are othee people saying that he was indeed lying to me….

i feel worse now then before, because him lying to me made me more mad and then i started to say something i guess i really shouldn’t of said,,,,,,,,,

i said that he should just go and cheat on me already with the other girl he loves……

i feel really bad,but i kind a feel like now maybe he should be with her instead of me, i don’t know why he wants to hurt me and right now i don’t know what to do.

everyone tells me that i deserve better that he didn’t want me in the first place that it was the other  girl he wanted…. and i deserve better then that

the thing is that i really did and do love him but i don’t know if i can still go out with him if i don’t trust him anymore… is it possible to make this relationship work if i don’t have trust in what he says or does any more.

worse feeling in the world is when you trust someone who in the end will stabb you in the back.

when you care about someone and trust them with you life you expect them to treat you right and be beside you the whole way threw.

my story is often like that of the death of julius caesar. in the end it wasn’t that he had been stabbed so much by seven other people it was that the last person to stabbed was that of someone that he trusted and believed in his beloved Brutus. Caesar’s heart broke when he was stabbed by brutus fore brutus was his freind and someone he cared for so deeply and loved with all his life.

this is similar to want i felt, it wasn’t the death of me but it killed me inside, hurt like no other pain in the world or at least like any other pain that i felt before. I wasn’t hurt by two people that i trusted with all lmy heart and soul and ended up getting stabbed in the back by both of them.

they had skeemed to hurt me in the end, they say that they didn’t mean two but they did, they knew it was hurting me, they both had jion together against me and when i found out about the plot it hurt, there was a umbareable pain in my heart and chest, that of which spend all over my body, i became frozen in time and the memory of it playing over and over agian, trying to fiquire out want i did wrong, what had happened to cause them to do this.

one was my boyfreind, the other was one of the closest and best freinds i have. my EX-boyfriend had went to one of my bestfriends and told him to stay away from me that he needed me to love him alone and be with him alone, then my best freind for the past three months had been getting a little more cold towards me, wether saying mean things, ingoring me or even that fact that in the end showed no emition towards me at all, and then i had had enough of it.

i wanted to know why he was so cold and his eyes had turned on me, after all that i had done, after he knew how much i had cared about him and trusted him, i wanted a reason why he had started hateing me so much.

and he said…………..

“you boyfreind wanted me to”

and it broke, in came a pain that hurt every inch of my sould and heart, my lung closed up on me………….

the only person that i cared more about then my best freind was my boyfriend, how could he do something like that to me, i thought, i trusted him,  i cared about him, i hadd loved him, i don’t just care and love and TRUST just anybody i trusted them and both had treated me so bad, had stabbed me threw the heart.

it hurt so much more to get stabbed by someone that you trust and care about and love then anyone else in the world, any pain better then that pain you get by being betrayed by two poeple you trust and care about………………..

want is suppose to happen now, i want to be with them because i still kill, but everytime  i see their faces i feel so much pain, so much betrail, so much sadness………….

and then i get mad for trusting them and caring for people who didn’t and couldn’t care back.

want did i do to deserve such pain, so much pain, and sadness.

i just don’t understand why, how did this happen to me>???